EDINBURGH- The ships came all night. Dozens of them pouring into the Firth of Forth stacked with Russian tanks, troops and defensive nuclear missiles.
This is the new look Scottish-Russian defence force, a hybrid of Highland bravery and Russian know-how.
Unloading at the Forth Ports RIYF saw at least 40,000 heavily armed Russian soldiers greeted by crowds of Scots throwing flowers, whiskey bottles and shetland ponies in adoration.
“They’re saviours!,” cried Morag MacKrankie from the throng. “They’re gonee keck them Englesh arses!”
Ever since Scotland severed all ties from England in a surprise “polite independence” referendum, relations with England have gone from ‘actually the same country’ to ‘medieval bloodlust’.
The referendum, kindly provided for free with minimal preparation time and totally fair voting standards by Russia’s Central Election Commission, returned a 96% result for “Immediately hostile relations with the fascist dictatorship in London,” which was two of the two options on the ballot paper.